TED演讲：有勇气正视情绪者的天赋异禀与能量惊人

The gift and power of emotional courage （Susan David）

Susan David, Ph.D., is an award-winning Psychologist on the faculty of Harvard Medical School; co-founder and co-director of the Institute of Coaching at McLean Hospital; and CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, a boutique business consultancy. She is the author of the new book Emotional Agility based on her concept that Harvard Business Review heralded as a Management Idea of the Year was named an Amazon Best Leadership Book of the Year, and has been featured in numerous leading publications, including the New York Times, Washington Post, Time, Fast Company, and The Wall Street Journal. An in-demand speaker and advisor, David has worked with the senior leadership of hundreds of major organizations, including the United Nations, Ernst & Young, and the World Economic Forum.

Emotional agility = an individual’s ability to experience their thoughts and emotions and events in a way that doesn’t drive them in negative ways, but instead encourages them to reveal the best of themselves.

Susan David takes on the issue of will power and how it relates to our ability to frame goals that are driven by the concept of intrinsic value. She uses examples from the workplace and home life to demonstrate how trying to use will power based on goals created through obligation and shame will always fail. Susan explains how changing the focus of your goals can increase the will power to be successful.

以下是《做情绪的主人，而不是情绪的敌人》主题演讲中英文对照：

Hello everyone, sawubona [saʊˈbɔːnə]. In South Africa, where I come from,“sawubona” is the Zulu word for “hello”.

大家好,你们好！在我的家乡南非，sawubona是祖鲁语你好的意思。

There’s a beautiful and powerful intention behind the word, because “sawubona” literally translated means “I see you and by seeing you, I bring you into being.”

这个词语蕴含着美好和力量，因为sawubona的字面意思就是：我看到你，而通过这个动作，我感受到了你的存在。

So beautiful, imagine being greeted like that. But what does it take  in the way we see ourselves? our thoughts, our emotions a our stories that help us to thrive in an increasingly complex and fraught world?

想象一下用这个词语打招呼，多么美妙啊。但又是什么让我们在自我发现的旅途中，发现我们的思维，我们的情感以及我们的故事，鼓舞着我们在日益复杂而充满忧患的世界坚定前行？

This crucial question has been at the center of my life ‘s work. because how we deal with our inner world drives everything. Every aspect of how we love, how we live, how we parent and how we lead.

探索这个问题的答案是我一直以来工作的重心，因为我们对待内心世界的方式决定了我们如何对待一切事物，包含很多方面：如我们如何去爱，我们如何为生，我们如何生儿育女以及我们如何引导 他人。

The conventional view of emotions as good or bad, positive or negative is rigid. and rigidity in the face of complexity is toxic. We need greater levels of emotional agility for true resilience and thriving.

关于情感的传统的观点，不管是好的还是坏的，不管是积极的还是消极的，都太死板，而在复杂的世界中，死板是有害的。我们需要在更深的层次灵活看待情感，以真正的适应世界，更好地成长。

My journey with this calling began not in the hallowed halls of the university, but in the messy, tender business of life. I grew up in the white suburbs of apartheid [ə’pɑːtaɪt (种族隔离)] South Africa, a country and community committed to not seeing, to denial. It’s denial that makes fifty years of racist legislation [ˌledʒɪs’leɪʃn (立法)]  possible while people convince themselves that they are doing nothing wrong. And yet I first learned of the destructive power of denial at a personal level, before I understood what it was doing to the country of my birth.

我受到情感探索的招呼并不始于大学空旷的礼堂，而是我生活中那些杂乱而又敏感的事。在种族之间相互隔离的南非，我住在白人社区，这是一个倾向于视而不见的国家和社区，倾向于否定，这种否定让种族主义立法（种族歧视合法化）持续了五十年。因为人们一直告诉自己他们没有做错什么，然而，在我明白否认对我出生的国家造成的影响之前，我首先从个人层面了解到否认的破坏力。

My father died on a Friday. He was forty two years old and I was fifteen. My mother was put me to go and say goodbye to my father before I went to school, so I put my backpack down and walked the passage that ran through to where the heart of our home my father lay dying of cancer. His eyes were closed, but he knew I was there. In his presence, I had always felt seen. I told him I loved him, said goodbye and headed off to my day. At School, I drifted from science mathematics to history to biology, as my father slipped from the world.

我父亲是在某个周五过世，那时他42岁，我15岁。我妈妈悄悄和我说，上学之前，先和我爸爸道个别。于是我放下书包，走过通道，通道的末端躺着我们家庭的支柱，受癌症折磨的我的爸爸。他闭着双眼，但他知道我在那儿，我的存在总是能够被他感受到。我告诉他我爱他，道别后，我开始了我的一天。在学校，我上了科学课、数学课、历史课、生物课。与此同时，我的父亲悄悄离开人世。

From may to July to September to November, I went about my usual smile, I didn’t drop a single grade. When asked how I was doing, I would shrug and say: “okay”. I was praised for being strong. I was the master of being okay. But back home, we struggled– my father hadn’t been able to keep his small business going during his illness, and my mother,alone, was grieving the love of her life trying to raise three children. and the creditors were knocking. We felt, as a family, financially and emotionally ravaged [‘rævɪdʒ (毁坏；破坏)] . and I began to spiral down, isolated, fast. I started to use food to numb my pain. Binging [bɪndʒ (放纵、狂欢作乐)] and perching [‘pɜːtʃɪŋ（歇息）] , refusing to accept the full weight of my grief.

Binging and perching：it refers to the behavior of overeating or indulging in large amounts of food (binging) and then restricting food intake or eating very little afterward (perching).” This cycle is often associated with unhealthy eating habits and can be linked to eating disorders, where a person alternates between periods of excessive consumption and periods of restraint.
参考翻译：Binging and perching”指的是暴饮暴食后限制饮食或只吃很少量食物的行为。这种循环通常与不健康的饮食习惯有关，可能与饮食失调有关，其中一个人在过度饮食和节制饮食之间交替。

从五月到七月到九月到十一月，我带着往常的笑容，继续着我的生活，我的成绩一点也没有退步。别人问我怎么样，我总是耸耸肩说还行。别人都夸我很坚强，我很擅长表现得很好，但是回到家中，我们的生活很困难。我爸爸在生病的时候，小生意就没能维持下去，而我妈妈独自一人，一边要承受丧夫之痛，一边照顾三个孩子，一边应对上门儿来的催债者。我们一家人，经济上和精神上都饱受折磨。我很快就变得低落，孤立起自己，我开始用食物麻木自己的痛苦，暴饮暴食，只因为不想负担我沉重的痛。

No one knew, and in a culture that values relentless positivity. I though that no one wanted to know. But one person did not buy into my story of triumph over greif.

没人知道我痛苦，尤其在一个看重积极拥抱冷漠的文化里，我以为没有人想知道，但有一个人不相信我能用表面的开心遮盖内心的痛苦。

My eighth grade English teacher fixed me with burning blue eyes as she handed out blank notebook.she said: “ write what you’re feeling. tell the truth. Write like nobody’s reading.” and just like that, i was invited to show up authentically to my grief and pain. It was a simple act but nothing short of a revolution for me. It was this revolution that started in this blank notebook 30 years ago that shaped my life’s work. The secret, silent correspondence with myself. Like gymnast, I started to move beyond the rigidity of denial into what i’ve now come to call emotional agility.

我的八年级英语老师给了我一本空白的笔记本，她炯炯有神的眼睛，解救了我。她说：写下你的感受吧，告诉我真相，就当做没人会读这本日记。就这样，他引导我真正地去展现自己的痛苦，这个简单的小举动，对我来说却是巨大的变革。正是在30年前我得到的这本空白笔记本，带来的变革，彻底改变了我一生。我心中的秘密，沉默的另一个自己，就像体操运动员一样，我开始超越顽固的自我否定，而是变的愈发的成为我所说的，“更有情绪自控力”。

Life’s beauty is inseparable from its fragility. We are young until we are not, we walked down on the street sixty until one day we realized that we are unseen. We nag our children and one day realize that there is silence where that child once was now making his or her way in the world.We are healthy until a diagnosis brings us to our knees. The only certainty is uncertainty, and yet we are not navigating this frailty [‘freɪlti（脆弱）] successfully or sustainably.

生活的美与其脆弱性是密不可分的。我们年轻着年轻着就老了，我们风姿绰约地走在街上，突然有一天就意识到，我们被视若无睹了，我们一直对孩子唠唠叨叨，突然有一天，我们开始学会闭嘴了，因为曾经的孩子，已经自己去闯出了一番天地。我们一直很健康，直到有一天疾病诊断书就放在我们的面前。唯一能确定的就是不确定本身，然而，我们竟不能成功驾叹自己去坦然面对人生的脆弱。

The world health organization tells us that depression is now the single leading cause of disability globally– out striping cancer, out striping heart disease. At a time of greater complexity, unprecedented technological,political and economic change.We are seeing how people’s tendency is more and more to lock down into rigid responses to their emotions. On the one hand, we might obsessively brood on our feelings. Getting stuck inside our heads, hooked on being right. or victimized by our news feed. On the other, we might bottle our emotions, pushing them aside, and permitting only those emotions deemed legitimate.

根据世界卫生组织的数据，抑郁症已经成为全球最大的不利因素，其威害超过癌症，超过心脏病，而现在社会日益复杂，科技、政治和经济领域发生史无前例的变化。我们却发现人们倾向于用麻痹情感来封锁自己的内心，一方面我们过度沉浸在自己的情感里，内心的想法在脑中挥之不去，被“正确”的做法束缚，或被身边的消息绑架；另一方面，我们压抑自己的感受，将他们置之不理，只允许自己有“正确”的情感。

In a survey I recently conducted with over seventy thousand people, I found that a third of us– A third either judge ourselves for having so-called “ bad emotions,” like sadness,anger or even grief. Or actively try to push aside these feelings. We do this not only to ourselves, but also to people we love, like our children, we may inadvertently [ˌɪnəd’vɜːtəntli（不注意地；疏忽地；非故意地）] shame them out of emotions seen as negative. Jump to a solution, and failed to help them to see these emotions as inherently valuable.

在我最近进行的针对7万受试者的研究中，我发现我们当中1/3的人，要么总认为自己有一些所谓的“坏情绪”，如忧、愤怒甚至是悲伤，要么主动的将自己的情绪置之不理。我们不仅对自己这样做，也这样对待我们所爱的人，如我们的孩子。我们可能会不经意地因为孩子有负面情绪而批评他们，武断下结论，而没有帮助他们看到情绪本身有价值的一面。

Normal,natural emotions are now seen as good or bad. And being positive has become a new form of Moral correctness. People with cancer are automatically told to just stay positive. Women, to stop being so angry. And the list goes on. Its a tyranny [‘tɪrəni]. It’s a tyranny of positivity. And it’s cruel, unkind. And ineffective. And we do it to ourselves. And we do it to others. If there’s one common feature of brooding, bottling, or false positivity, it’s this: They are all rigid responses.

现在，正常自然的情绪，会被标上“好”与“坏”的标签，永远乐观积极成了新的“道德正确。”我们不假思索地说癌症病人应该振作起来，女人不要生气，诸如此类，这完全是专制。这是对积极情绪的专制，太残忍了，太不体贴了，也太无效了。我们依然这样对自己，这样对他人。如果说麻痹自我、封锁内心以及强装积极都有一个共同点，那就是它们（对情感的反应）太刻板。

And if there’s a single lesson we can learn from the inevitable fall of apartheid [ə’pɑːtaɪt], it is that rigid denial doesn’t work. It’s unsustainable. For individuals, for families, for societies, and as we watch the Ice caps melt. It is unsustainable for our planet.

如果我们要从种族隔离的崩塌中,学到什么的话,那就是：严格否定是行不通的,是无法维持的，对个人，家庭如此，对社会也是如此。就像冰冠融化（透明天花板终会被打破一样），这对地球来说是不可持续的。

Research on emotional suppression shows that when emotions are pushed aside or ignored, they get stronger. Psychologists call this amplification like that delicious chocolate cake in the refrigerator. The more you try to ignore it. The greater its hold on you. You might think you’re in control of unwanted emotions, when you ignore them, but in fact they control you. Internal pain always comes out. Always. and who pays the price? We do, our children, our colleagues, our communities. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti-happiness. I like being happy, I’m a pretty happy person.

关于压抑情绪的研究表明，当情绪被藏起来，置之不理时，情绪会不断放大。心理学家把这称作放大效应，就像放在冰箱里可口的巧克力，你越想忽视它，（笑）它显得越诱人，你可能觉得通过忽视，你可以控制住你不想要的情绪，事实是，你被它控制了。内心的痛苦总会涌出来，永远如此，谁来承受这代价？是我们，我们的孩子，我们同事，我们的社区。请别误会，我不是反快乐主义者，我喜欢快乐的感觉，我是一个常常感到快乐的人。

But when we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity. We lose our capacity to develop skills to deal with the world as it is. Not as we wish it to be. I’ve had hundreds of people tell me what they don’t want to feel. They say things like, “I don’t want to try because I don’t want to feel disappointed”. Or “I just want this feeling to go away”. i understand .”I said to them. “But you have dead people’s goals”.

但是，如果我们不去直面正常的情绪而强作积极，我们就没有办法面对，世界本身的样子，而不是我们希望的世界的样子。太多太多人，和我说他们不想要有一些感受了，例如：他们说“我不想尝试，因为我讨厌失望的感觉”，或者，“我只是想这种情绪快消失”。我告诉他们，我能理解，“但不想有情感不就是死人了嘛？”

Only dead People never get unwanted or inconvenience by their feelings. Only dead people never get stressed, never get broken hearts, never experience the disappointment that comes with failure. Tough emotions are part of our contract with life. You don’t get to have a meaningful career or raise a family or leave the world a better place. Without stress and discomfort. Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life. So how do we begin to dismantle rigidity and embrace emotional agility?

只有死人，不会有不想要的，让他们困扰的情绪。（笑）只有死人，永远不会有压力，不会心碎，不会因为失败体验失望的感觉。痛苦的情绪是我们生活的一部分，没有压力，没有困扰，你没办法事业成功，组建家庭，或让世界更好。困扰不适，是我们获得有意义的人生必须付出的代价。那么，我们如何开始打破麻木的心墙，主动成为敏感察觉情绪的人呢？

As a young schoolgirl when I leaned into those blank pages. I started to do away with feelings of what I should be experiencing. And instead started to open my heart to what I did feel. Pain. And grief. And loss and regret.

“Lean into something” means to embrace or fully engage with a situation, challenge, or opportunity, often with a proactive and positive attitude. （全身心投入某事）

参考释义：Lean into something”意思是接受或全力投入到某个情况、挑战或机会中，通常带着积极主动的态度。

那个年幼还在上学的我，翻开空白的笔记本，我开始摒弃那些感受，那些我“应该”体验到的情感。相反，我开始敞开心扉，肯定我真切的内心感受，我感受到痛苦，悲伤，失去之痛，悔恨。

Research now shows that the radical acceptance of all of our emotions–even the messy, difficult ones– is the cornerstone to resilience, thriving, and true, authentic happiness. But Emotional agility is more than just an acceptance of emotions, we also know that accuracy matters, in my own research, I found that words are essential, we often use quick and easy labels to describe our feelings. “I’m stressed” is the most common one I hear.but there’s a world of difference between stress and disappointment or stress, and that knowing dread of “I’m in the wrong career.”

研究表明，积极接受我们所有的情感，哪怕是混乱的，难以承受的情感，是产生有适应力，能不断发展的，真实可信的快乐的基石。但是敏锐地察觉情感不只是接受情感，要知道准确理解情感也很重要。在我自己的研究中，我发现用词很重要，我们常常太草率轻易地给我们的情感下定义，我听得最多的话就是“我压力好大”，但是，压力和失望两种感觉差了十万八千里。压力和“我入错行了”的绝望，也完全不同。

When we label our emotions accurately, we are more able to discern [dɪ’sɜːn (辩别、发现)] the precise cause of our feelings, and what scientists call the readiness potential in our brain is activated, allowing us to take concrete steps. But not just any steps– the right steps for us, because our emotions are data. our emotions contain flashing lights to things that we care about. We tend not to feel strong emotion,to Stuff that doesn’t mean anything in our worlds. If you feel rage when you read the news, that rage is a signpost [‘saɪnpəʊst (征兆)], perhaps that you value equity and fairness. And an opportunity to take active steps to shape your life in that direction. When we are open to the difficult emotions, we were able to generate responses that are values aligned.

只有我们正确地理解了我们的情感，我们才能准确的辩识导致这种情绪的原因，并且科学家们所说的大脑中接受情绪的部分，也能激活，让我们采取具体措施，但不是什么措施都是对的选择。我们的情感就像数据，我们的情感会让更加关注我们所关心的事物，我们倾向于产生不太强烈的情感，产生对世界来说意义不大的感情，所以如果你看到新闻会十分气愤，也许你的怒火是一种暗示，说明你重视平等和公平，并且让你有机会采取行动，使你的人生积极朝着这个方向前进。一旦我们用开放的态度对待难以承受的情绪，我们就能够做出与价值观一致的反应。

But there is an important caveat [‘kæviæt (防止人误解的说明)] , emotions are data, they are not directives, we can show up to and mine our emotions for their values without needing to listen to them. Just like I can show up to my son in his frustration with his baby sister. But not endorse his idea that he gets to give her away to the first stranger he sees in a shopping mall.

但是有个重要的警告，情绪只是数据，并不是指令，我们可以感受自己的情绪，挖掘情感的价值，同时不被它所左右。就像我可以在我儿子对他的小妹妹感到沮丧时出现在他面前一样——但不支持他的想法，即他可以把她送给他在购物中心看到的第一个陌生人。

We own our emotions, they don’t own us. When we internalize the difference between how I feel in all my wisdom and what I do in a value-aligned action. We generate the pathway to our best selves via our emotions. So what does this look like in practice? When you feel a strong, tough emotion, don’t race for emotional exits. Learn its contours [‘kɒntʊə （轮廓、周线）] , show up to the journal of your hearts. What is the emotion telling you. And try not to say “I am,” as in “I am angry” or “I’m sad.” when you say “I am” it makes you sound as if you are the emotion. Whereas you are you, and the emotion is a data source, instead, try to notice the feeling for what it is: “I’m noticing that I’m feeling sad” “I’m noticing that I’m feeling angry.” These are essential skills for us, our families, our communities. They’re also critical to the workplace.

是我们控制着情绪，不是情绪控制着我们。但我们在内心里分清楚，我们尽全力察觉的内心情感，以及我们与价值一致的行动的区别时，我们就通过情感，创造出了通向更好自我的道路，那实践起来是怎么样的？当你体会到难受又强有力的情绪时，不要急着寻找逃避情绪的出口，应该试着去了解它的覆盖范围，将之呈现在你内心的日记里。你的情绪想告诉你什么？不要说“我觉得”比如“我觉得很生气”“我觉得很难过”，当你说“我觉得”时，你不知不觉就成了情绪本身，但其实你就是你，情绪只是一个数据源，作为替代，我们应试着去注意那种感觉: “我注意到我感到悲伤”或者“我注意到我感到愤怒” ，这些对于我们，对于家庭，对于社区都是重要的技巧，在工作场合用上它也尤为重要。

In my research, when I looked at what helps people to bring the best of themselves to work. I found a powerful key contributor: individualized consideration. When people are allowed to feel their emotional truth, engagement, creativity and innovation flourish in the organization. Diversity isn’t just people, it’s also what’s inside people. Including diversity of emotion.

在我的研究中，我想知道人们要怎么样才能有最好的状态进行工作，我发现最有帮助的是:对个体的体贴，人们能够感受到自己真正的情绪，参与情绪控制时，企业的创造力和创新能力得以充分涌流。我们不仅呼吁人们外部特征的多样性，也需要内部特征的多样性，这就包括情感多样性。

The most agile, resilient individuals, teams, organizations, families, communities are built on an openness to the normal human emotions. It’s this that allow us to say, “what is my emotion telling me?” “which actual bring me towards my values?” “which will take me away from our values?” — Emotional agility is the ability to be with your emotions with curiosity, compassion, and especially the courage to take values connected steps.

最敏锐，适应性最强的个人，团队和组织，家庭和社区都离不开对人类正常情感的开放态度。只有开放，我们才能问自己：“我的情绪想告诉我什么”，“什么情绪才能契合我的价值观？”“什么情绪背离我的价值观？”敏锐地察觉情感是一种带着好奇心，同情心对待情感的能力，尤其还需要我们有勇气采取与价值一致的行动。

When I was little, I would wake up at night terrified by the idea of death. My father would comfort me with soft pets and kisses, but he would never lie. “We all die, Susie.” he would say. “It’s normal to be scared.” He didn’t try to invent a buffer between me and reality. It took me a while to understand the power of how he guide me through those nights. What he showed me is that courage is not an absence of fear. Courage is fear walking. Neither of us knew that in ten short years, he would be gone.

Pet：it refers to gentle, soothing strokes or touches, typically on the head or back. （指的是轻柔、安抚性的抚摸或触摸，通常是在头部或背部。它表达了通过亲切的身体接触来安慰或使人平静的意思。）

我小的时候，我会因为想到死亡半夜惊醒，我的父亲会轻轻拍我，亲吻我，安慰我。但他从不骗我，他说“苏希，我们终有一天会死的，害怕也很正常”，他并没有用谎言缓冲我和现实的冲撞。我花了好长时间才明白，那些晚上他的引导的力量，他教会我，勇气不是无所畏惧，而是带着畏惧前行。没人知道短短的十年后，父亲就离我们而去了。

And the time for each of us is all too precious and all too brief. But when our moment comes to face our fragility [frə’dʒɪləti (脆弱；虚弱)], in that alternate time, it will ask us, “are you agile? Are you agile?”

对于我们每个人来说，和他在一起的时光太珍贵，又太短暂了。但当我们要面对，我们的脆弱的时候，在那最后的时刻，它会问我们：“你清楚自己的感受吗？”“你清楚自己的感受吗？”

Let the moment be an unreserved [ˌʌnrɪ’zɜːvd (坦率的；无保留的)] “yes”. A “yes” born of a lifelong correspondence with your own heart. And in seeing yourself. Because in seeing yourself, you are also able to see others too. The only sustainable way forward in a fragile, beautiful world. Sawubona, and thank you！

希望那一刻我们坦白地说“是的”，“是的”来自于你一生对自己真实情感的不离不弃，源于你看透了自己，因为当你看透了自己，你也能够看透他人。这是在这样脆弱的又美丽的世界走下去的唯一方法。谢谢你们！

More reference：https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/157079965

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